The Cohhilition

Wish granted,
it shines directly in your eyes, all you can see is rainbow and effectively blinds you.

I wish I had a magic carpet

Wish granted.
It tightens around you and strangle you to death.

I wish i had super speed

Granted.
You must always run at super speed, if you stop even for a second your atoms vibrate apart tearing you apart on an atomic level.

I wish I could control the elements.

Wish granted

You get all the control over the elements, but if you stop concentrating for even 1 sec, the same elements you controlled before will tear the world appart.

I wish for chocolate ice cream

Wish Granted, but it had a mind of it's own and kept bucking you off no matter how secure.

I wish I would never get sick.

Wish Granted, you have an immune system that never tires, it turns on you and eats you from the inside out.

I wish I could never worry.

Granted, but since you never worry, you die of walking off a cliff since you didn't worry about the consequences.

I wish I invented the internet.

Wish Granted, don't worry it's already bad enough because you're responsible for all those child porn sites

i wish i was immortal

Wish granted, but you're always in pain.

I wish I was always happy

Granted, but anyone you even consider a friend lives in despair and pain.

I wish the world would burn.

Wish granted, but noone died, so everyone that you ever knew or cared for is now living in constant pain and agony, their bodies charred by the everlasting fire.

I wish that I worked for the Secret Service.

You work for the Secret Service, guarding the President, except you're a corrupt s.o.b. who takes a hefty bribe and lets the Commander in Chief to get assassinated.

I wish I knew what a plethora was.

You now know what a plethora is and you can't stop thinking about it anymore. It's the only thing you can talk about and everyone hates you because of it.

I wish the debunking of this wish failed horribly.

Ooooohhhhh you cheeky bugger... Hmm....

Your wish comes true, but then Fate decides to make you her bitch and make all of your positive wishes to have a negative outcome, and all your negative wishes to have world destroying proportions.

I wish that Rex Ryan would realize that he really needs a diet.

Wish granted, but once he does he becomes dark ruler of the world and bans anything not on his diet.

I wish I had a cheesecake.

Wish granted, but you're given a slice of The Cheesecake Factory's lo-carb cheesecake which tastes like absolute crap.

I wish that I knew what the Evil Overlord was thinking right now.

Wish granted, but the knowledge makes you go insane and claw your eyes out of their sockets.

I wish that I had a magnificent beard.

Wish granted, but instead of the hair growing on your face, it continuously grew from your crotch and butt.

I wish Steam games and their DLCs weren't so expensive.

Granted, every game becomes free, but gaming becomes taboo.

I wish for people to stop being assholes so often.

Granted, but instead of having assholes, you have streets filled to the brim with emo people, completely lowering the ability to be happy to abysmal levels.

I wish I could win a free legitimate copy of H1Z1.