Summary:
Winner with the funniest story by Jan 13, 2014 5pm EST wins a Hearthstone beta key.
Rules:
Story must be no longer than 50 sentences. Can be less, but I'd suggest using what you're able.
Story must contain NO vulgarity of any kind. No pen15 jokes or sexual references.
The forums, just like the stream, is PG16. No cursing or words you'd get timed out for on the stream.
Must Be Original. Any copying of another player will conclude in immediate disqualification. (Posts are time stamped.)
Take your time. You have a while before your entry needs to be in; nearly 6 hours, so write things out, make adjustments and be sure it's funny!!!!
Perfect grammar isn't necessary, but greatly appreciated. Periods are your friends. If I have to read something 4 or 5 times because you wanted to cram 10 sentences into 1, it's going to degrade your chances of it actually being funny.
1 Entry Per Person
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Post your story NO LATER than 5pm EST. The forum time stamps are law, so if the forum states you posted your entry at 5:01PM EST, then your entry doesn't count.
No story subject required. Have fun with it. Read everyone else's story and laugh your butt's off.
Heartstone Key Giveaway Story Contest!!
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mrleonehart
- Posts: 2
- Joined: Mon Jan 13, 2014 12:08 pm
- Contact:
Ms. Brooks was having trouble with one of her first-grade pupils. "Johnny,what is your problem?" Johnny answered, "I'm too smart for the first Grade. My sister is in third grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!"
Ms. Brooks had had enough, so she took Johnny to the principal's office. The principal agreed that he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave.
He started by asking Johnny some simple arithmetic. "What is three times three?" "Nine, Sir." "How much is nine times six?" "Fifty-four." And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade student should know. The principal looked at Ms. Brooks and said, "I think Johnny can go to third grade! He seems smart enough."
Ms. Brooks said to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions?" The principal and Johnny both agreed.
Ms. Brooks asked, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of? Johnny, after a moment, answered "Legs, Ma'am"
"What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?" "Pockets!"
"OK,what does a dog do that a man steps into?" "Pants."
"What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?" "Coconut."
"What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?" The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Johnny was taking charge. "Bubblegum!"
"What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?" "Shake hands, Ma'am."
"Now for some 'Who am I' sort of questions, OK? First one: You stick your pole inside me, you tie me down to get me up, and I get wet before you do." Johnny, quick as ever, answered, "Tent!"
"OK, a finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first." The Principal was looking restless and a bit tense. But Johnny was on the ball with "Wedding Ring!"
"I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good." "Nose."
"Right, I have a stiff shaft, my tip penetrates, and I come with a quiver." "Arrow."
"Good, now for the last one. What word starts with an 'F', ends in K', and means a lot of heat and excitement?" "Firetruck,Ma'am!"
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher, "Send him to university, I got the last ten questions wrong myself!"
Ms. Brooks had had enough, so she took Johnny to the principal's office. The principal agreed that he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave.
He started by asking Johnny some simple arithmetic. "What is three times three?" "Nine, Sir." "How much is nine times six?" "Fifty-four." And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade student should know. The principal looked at Ms. Brooks and said, "I think Johnny can go to third grade! He seems smart enough."
Ms. Brooks said to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions?" The principal and Johnny both agreed.
Ms. Brooks asked, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of? Johnny, after a moment, answered "Legs, Ma'am"
"What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?" "Pockets!"
"OK,what does a dog do that a man steps into?" "Pants."
"What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?" "Coconut."
"What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?" The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Johnny was taking charge. "Bubblegum!"
"What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?" "Shake hands, Ma'am."
"Now for some 'Who am I' sort of questions, OK? First one: You stick your pole inside me, you tie me down to get me up, and I get wet before you do." Johnny, quick as ever, answered, "Tent!"
"OK, a finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first." The Principal was looking restless and a bit tense. But Johnny was on the ball with "Wedding Ring!"
"I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good." "Nose."
"Right, I have a stiff shaft, my tip penetrates, and I come with a quiver." "Arrow."
"Good, now for the last one. What word starts with an 'F', ends in K', and means a lot of heat and excitement?" "Firetruck,Ma'am!"
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher, "Send him to university, I got the last ten questions wrong myself!"
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ann82
- Posts: 1
- Joined: Sun Dec 29, 2013 4:55 pm
Nigel Cavendish was a famous British spy. For over 20 years he went on important missions and stole important secrets from countries all over the world.
However, his luck ran out. One day, he was captured by the Russian government. The British government said they didn’t know anything about him. He was taken to court and sentenced to death by firing squad.
On the day of his execution the weather was terrible. It was raining cats and dogs and there was a cold north wind blowing fiercely.
The guards came to his prison cell and led him outside.
They walked in the pouring, cold rain for almost half a kilometre. It was muddy, they were soaked and freezing to death.
They put Nigel up against the wall and lined up to shoot him. They asked him if he had any last words to say.
Nigel said, “What horrible men you are – to bring me out to be shot on such a horrible day.”
One soldier looked up at the dark sky and said,
“I DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU ARE COMPLAINING ABOUT!
WE HAVE TO WALK BACK!”
However, his luck ran out. One day, he was captured by the Russian government. The British government said they didn’t know anything about him. He was taken to court and sentenced to death by firing squad.
On the day of his execution the weather was terrible. It was raining cats and dogs and there was a cold north wind blowing fiercely.
The guards came to his prison cell and led him outside.
They walked in the pouring, cold rain for almost half a kilometre. It was muddy, they were soaked and freezing to death.
They put Nigel up against the wall and lined up to shoot him. They asked him if he had any last words to say.
Nigel said, “What horrible men you are – to bring me out to be shot on such a horrible day.”
One soldier looked up at the dark sky and said,
“I DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU ARE COMPLAINING ABOUT!
WE HAVE TO WALK BACK!”
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emmaleee
- Posts: 1
- Joined: Thu Jan 02, 2014 8:52 pm
- Location: Connecticut, USA
Rachel, a brunette, Adriana, a red head, and Samantha, a blonde, all work at the same company for the same boss, Melissa. They began to notice that every day, their boss left work early at around the same time. On a gorgeous summer day, the girls decided that when their boss left that day, they would sneak out right after her. After all, Melissa never called or came back to the office after she left for the day, so how was she ever going to find out?
2:30 p.m. came and Melissa was out the door. Rachel, Adriana, and Samantha hurried out behind her.
Rachel was elated to be home early. She went for a long run at the beach before coming home and going to bed early.
Adriana met her girlfriends for an early happy hour, where they all drank too much and ended up staying out until well into the evening.
Samantha wanted to go to her Country Club and lay by the pool, but she needed to stop home and grab her bikini. She hurried up the stairs but when Samantha got to her bedroom door, she heard a muffled noise from inside.
“Is that the cat?” Samantha thought.
Quietly, she cracked open the door so she would not scare their crazy cat, Whiskers. Samantha was mortified at what she saw right in front of her. It was not Whiskers; it was her husband in bed with her boss, MELISSA!
Samantha gently closed the door. She crept back down the stairs and out the door. Unsure of what to do next, she got in her car and left.
The next day at work, all three girls were in the kitchen having their coffee break, when Rachel and Adriana decided they were going to leave early again.
“It’s supposed to be in another sunny day, with a high of around 85 degrees again this afternoon,” said Rachel. “You’re coming with us, right Samantha?”
“NO WAY,” exclaimed Samantha. “I almost got caught yesterday!”
2:30 p.m. came and Melissa was out the door. Rachel, Adriana, and Samantha hurried out behind her.
Rachel was elated to be home early. She went for a long run at the beach before coming home and going to bed early.
Adriana met her girlfriends for an early happy hour, where they all drank too much and ended up staying out until well into the evening.
Samantha wanted to go to her Country Club and lay by the pool, but she needed to stop home and grab her bikini. She hurried up the stairs but when Samantha got to her bedroom door, she heard a muffled noise from inside.
“Is that the cat?” Samantha thought.
Quietly, she cracked open the door so she would not scare their crazy cat, Whiskers. Samantha was mortified at what she saw right in front of her. It was not Whiskers; it was her husband in bed with her boss, MELISSA!
Samantha gently closed the door. She crept back down the stairs and out the door. Unsure of what to do next, she got in her car and left.
The next day at work, all three girls were in the kitchen having their coffee break, when Rachel and Adriana decided they were going to leave early again.
“It’s supposed to be in another sunny day, with a high of around 85 degrees again this afternoon,” said Rachel. “You’re coming with us, right Samantha?”
“NO WAY,” exclaimed Samantha. “I almost got caught yesterday!”
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Drk1lucian
- Posts: 71
- Joined: Thu Jul 18, 2013 8:18 pm
- Location: Tennessee USA
Congrats to Ann82, who was the only one who kept to the rules and didn't include any sexual references in her story.
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mrleonehart
- Posts: 2
- Joined: Mon Jan 13, 2014 12:08 pm
- Contact:
mine did not have a single sexual reference in the storyDrk1lucian wrote:Congrats to Ann82, who was the only one who kept to the rules and didn't include any sexual references in her story.
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Drk1lucian
- Posts: 71
- Joined: Thu Jul 18, 2013 8:18 pm
- Location: Tennessee USA
Leo majority of the puns you included were sexual. Not to mention you copy-pasted it from another website. That's not even remotely original.
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index ... 239AAJV8uo
Posted 4 years ago, Leo. I expected better from you.
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index ... 239AAJV8uo
Posted 4 years ago, Leo. I expected better from you.
